My Homeschooling Dad Experience

by Jeremy
(Cornwall, UK)

Why did I decide to begin homeschooling and when?

I never imagined being a homeschooling dad! I assumed that our son Sam would go to school, 'like everyone else' and hopefully come out with good GCSE grades at the end of it. After all, that was the purpose and process of a good education, right?

It took me until my boy was 13 to realise that my assumptions were flawed. When Sam began his first year (Year 7) at college I soon realised that school's purpose, process and environment was counterproductive and limiting and damaging to my son's education and mental health.

If I summarized Sam's total learning experience at school, then I would say that for him it was only about trying to survive. Sam was bullied constantly. Furthermore, because we had brought him up to be kind, to respect others and to do the right thing, he couldn't make or find any loyal friends as at first, he would not join in with the bad behaviour of his class peers. When he refused to swear for their pleasure or look at pornography on their phones, he quickly became a victim of their displeasure. He was threatened, kicked, punched, chased, laughed at and isolated. He became very anxious and fearful of meeting anyone. His grades went down, and his confidence faded. Then his attitude became contemptuous as he began to comply with the wishes of the kids he wanted to fit in with. Life at home was a stressful nightmare and we felt powerless as we embraced the horror that we were losing our little boy.

Knowing we had to do something for him, we asked God for help as my wife, and I, are both Christians. At the time, Bev was working 8am till 3pm and I was working from 3.30pm to about 7.30pm. I realised that I would have time to homeschool Sam in the mornings. Back then I had no idea how I was going to do this, just a firm desire to support my son anyway I could. When we told Sam about the possibility of homeschool, at first, he wasn't interested.

As time went on, things gradually got worse. One night Bev and I both knelt down to pray together in tears and desperation. Imagine our surprise when, the next day, after school, Sam came to us and told us he wanted to be homeschooled, saying he'd had enough! Less than a week later, I hand-delivered a letter of de-registration to the college.

What is our philosophy of homeschooling?

I would say first that our home education philosophy begins with taking responsibility for your children. I now believe that instead of leaving it to the state to raise your kid with the assumption that they know best, educate them yourself if you can. Take back control of the process and offer them what school cannot. For us, education is about the joy of discovery that comes via a child's own motivation to explore those things they themselves are interested in, not about getting top grades in as many GCSE exams as you can stuff in.

What particular things are challenging about being a homeschooling Dad?

Because of my wife's working hours, I am the main homeschooling parent. Although I share with Bev about Sam's progress, she finds it difficult sometimes to understand the reasons behind my choice to spend some days the way I do. It's easy, I think, for us to fall into the trap of comparing a school day with what we ourselves might decide to do as homeschoolers and we have to remind ourselves that we can do things differently. Ultimately, Sam's personality and character are just as important as doing GCSE exam coursework. Therefore, we devote time to take advantage of practical opportunities to develop these things. This is especially important with respect to Sam's personal needs. Much damage was done to him by his school experience, and we are therefore having to help him to overcome his fears and gain back his confidence. This takes commitment and time but this too, is homeschooling.

What would you say are the best parts of homeschooling?

I think the best parts of homeschooling have to do with the relationship I am building with Sam. As parents, we lost that - so much so that we had no meaningful conversation with him. Now, Sam is seeing things with a different perspective. He knows he's been rescued. He knows he is loved in a safe environment. He knows I am committed to him, and he knows he has the freedom to make his own choices about what he wants to learn and do. He still has many fears, but we celebrate the victories and I have never enjoyed so many daily hugs and thankful words.

Any tips for other Dads who homeschool?

Sorry but I am no expert! However, I would like to encourage my fellow homeschooling dads out there by saying this: If you ever wanted to be a hero, well now you are one! Homeschooling is incredibly rewarding but it's far from easy!

• It's so tiring when you also have to work a job.
• It's demanding.
• It's slow.
• It's always a marathon and never a sprint.
• It stretches you.
• It sometimes tests your patience beyond what you imagined possible.
• There are times when you don't quite know what to do or how to go about it. You may get some things wrong and have to adapt or backtrack.

But a hero never stops believing that somehow, there will be a way, don't they? And that's you!

Do we heroes feel pain? Yes, we do. Do we heroes cry sometimes? I know I do. Do we heroes struggle when we are not always understood or appreciated? Often! But we will never quit - because heroes never quit - and like homeschooling mums, we love our kids too much and we would rather die trying in order that we may give them our absolute best!

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