Social Disadvantages Of Homeschooling:

What About Friends?

The social disadvantages of homeschooling are often put forward as the main reason for choosing not to homeschool. People seem to imagine that homeschooling means you’re going to lock your child away, sit them down in front of a pile of books all day and throw the key out of the window.

What about friends? That's usually the first question people ask if you tell them you're homeschooling.

If they knew how much effort all the homeschool parents I know put in to ensure their child doesn't face any social disadvantages because of homeschooling they'd be amazed.

If they saw how many homeschooling children meet lots of children their own age and have plenty of friends I think outsiders might be more entitled to ask:

"So you mean your child is going to spend all day playing?"

If you decide not to send your child to school, you've automatically been granted free entrance to the homeschool club. All the homeschooling parents I've met (and I mean all) are only too pleased to meet up, precisely because they want their child to make friends with yours. (Don't take offence, but I sometimes think that's more important to them than what they think of me!).

Obviously, if you decide to start, you'll probably worry about the potential social disadvantages of homeschooling. The fact is you'll almost certainly find some sort of homeschool group meeting near you where the children can play and the adults can talk.

It'll depend on where you live, of course, but usually some of the parents get together to organise educational trips and visits (at group discount rates, which helps when it comes to affordable homeschooling.)

Hereabouts, castles feature prominently on the homeschool group itinerary, and I have to admit William and Catherine have probably over-dosed on the number of historical re-enactments they have witnessed!

Then there are social events aimed at the age group of the children – swimming, ice skating, bowling and so on.

That gives you the basis for a pretty full social calendar. In fact, far from discovering the supposed social disadvantages of homeschooling, families can, (if they choose), spend all week visiting each other, having the kids over for toasted marsh mallow sleep-overs, organising Pirate Birthday Parties and all the 'usual' things.

On top of that, there are loads of other opportunities to make sure your child doesn't face any of the potential social disadvantages of homeschooling.

Groups, clubs, societies, lessons, courses, adventure holidays – your only limit is your child's interests and possibly your wallet!

Other popular homeschool choices include drama, piano, ballet, Tai-Kwondo, even belly dancing!

So, even if your child doesn't live near other homeschool families, there's no reason for there to be any social disadvantages to homeschooling. There's plenty of opportunities for your child to learn with other children, make friends, socialize.

Families choose many different homeschooling methods and you can draw up whatever home school schedule suits you and your kids.

And let's not forget the other perspective: what sort of socialization would your child get if they went to school?

If you put lots of children the same age together with very few adults the skills they practise tend to be the ones you'd rather not see.

John Taylor Gatto spoke about the disadvantages of the public education system when he was presented with the New York City Teacher of the Year Award in 1990:

"The children I teach are cruel to each other; they lack compassion for misfortune; they laugh at weakness; they have contempt for people whose need for help shows too plainly."

What an indictment! And that's from someone who taught for 30 years. Maybe those who worry about the possible disadvantages of homeschooling would be better occupied having a radical re-think about the socialization skills children practise at school.

Homeschooling statistics prove that nearly twice the numbers of homeschool adults participate in at least one on-going community service, compared to adults of a similar general population.

"Socialization? Exactly WHAT socialization?" was the way one Mom responded when she saw the results of a school day on her daughter.

So the supposed social disadvantages of homeschooling can actually provide a wonderful cover for a game which parents seem to play: a supposition that all children who go to school have loads of friends.

Of course, on reflection, many parents acknowledge this isn't true, but then you hit the double whammy.

There seems to be some sort of generally accepted theory that just because you suffered at school somehow all children should. It must be good for them. It teaches children to toughen up and learn how to cope.

But does it? Peer pressure is an inescapable part of school life. At its worst, bullying results. How does being bullied help you become a better adult? And if you succeed and become the bully yourself – are these the skills you'd like to see your child develop?

Not everyone at school gets bullied. But they'll all struggle with whose top in the popularity stakes and having to keep in with their mates.

The price they pay varies. But school makes it hard to be different and ignores many of the advantages of homeschooling. Try something as innocent as being an 11 year-old birdwatcher and see what happens. My husband Rob was that boy, and he still remembers it.

There is definitely a case to be answered. Rather than looking at the disadvantages of homeschooling, you could easily pen many papers about the social disadvantages of school and ask yourself:

Is school really the best way to learn the socialization skills you need as an adult?

There are, in fact, lots of advantages to homeschooling socialization as you'll see.

My experience is that the social disadvantages of homeschooling are vastly over-exaggerated and can be overcome, though I know that it does take a little work sometimes.

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